Ah, the fabled writing routine—the Holy Grail of productivity, the ultimate life hack that promises to turn you into the next great novelist. Every successful writer you’ve ever heard of seems to have one: Hemingway wrote standing up, Stephen King writes every day before lunch, and Haruki Murakami apparently runs a marathon every morning before putting pen to paper.

Me? Well, let’s just say my writing routine is… flexible. And by flexible, I mean it’s more of a hopeful suggestion than an actual plan. I’ve tried to stick to one, I really have. But life, distractions, and my own short attention span seem to conspire against me at every turn.

Let’s take a deep dive into the daily chaos that is my “writing routine.”

6:30 AM – The Grand Plan

I’m an early riser. I always have been. In my mind, this is where my productive day begins. I imagine myself waking up to the sound of birds singing, sitting at my laptop, and jotting down some inspired thoughts as the sun rises gently in the background. There’s a steaming cup of coffee in my hand (obviously), and my mind is brimming with ideas just waiting to be written down.

In reality? These dark mornings have me hitting snooze at least three times before groggily scrolling through my phone for no discernible reason. I spend a solid twenty minutes swiping between social media apps and wondering why I can’t focus. The birds may or may not be singing I wouldn’t know, because I’m too busy watching a video of a raccoon stealing cat food.

So much for that peaceful morning start.

7:30 AM – The Real Wake-Up Call

At this point, I’m still in bed, now very aware that the day is slipping away. I panic briefly about wasting time, but that’s quickly replaced by more important thoughts, like, “Is there any coffee left?” and “How is it only 7:30?” Any time for a productive writing session is over as household and parenting duties takeover.

I finally get up and shuffle into the kitchen. The plan is to have a light breakfast, just enough to keep the brain cells ticking while I write. What actually happens is I end up making toast, over-buttering it, and spending five minutes trying to remember why I walked into the kitchen in the first place.

But, the good news is I’ve remembered my grand writing plan. “Today will be different!” I tell myself. “I’ll be productive.”

9:00 AM – Let’s Get Serious (or not)

With the kids off to school, I’m ready to start. The cursor is blinking, and all I need to do is start typing.

But then my email dings. I mean, I should check it, right? What if something important has come in? A sale on Vinted! An offer from Charlotte Tilbury? Five minutes turns into thirty, as I sift through newsletters, random promotions I don’t remember signing up for, and a notification from a distant cousin sharing baby photos on Facebook.

And that’s when it happens—I get sucked into the abyss of the internet. I promise myself it’s just a five-minute scroll to “wake up my brain,” but one cat video turns into five, and somehow, I’m watching a documentary about how lighthouses were built in the 1800s.

9:30 AM – The Writing Window (Sort of)

This is when I finally sit down to write. I’ve cleared my browser tabs, switched off email notifications, and am determined to hit my word count for the day. I can do this. All I need to do is focus for the next couple of hours.

Five minutes in, my phone buzzes. Surely, it’s fine to check just this one text message, right? Wrong. It’s never just one. And then I’m on my phone again, researching whether the actor who played the captain in Titanic is still alive.

After half an hour of that nonsense, I close all distractions, tell myself to focus and manage to write a grand total of two paragraphs before I remember that I haven’t had breakfast yet.

10:00 AM – The Second Attempt (Fuelled by Snacks)

Back at the desk. This time, I’ve got snacks—because apparently, I can’t write without a bag of crisps or biscuits nearby. I convince myself it’s “brain food.” As I nibble my way through four chocolate digestives, I open my manuscript and stare at it like it’s written in a foreign language.

The words aren’t flowing, but the snacks definitely are. I check the word count, hoping to see significant progress. Spoiler: There is none. But somehow, I convince myself that snacking will help with the writing.

Fun fact: it doesn’t.

I get back to it but then, inevitably, the brain fog returns. I start second-guessing every sentence, overanalysing the dialogue, and debating whether to change my protagonist’s name for the millionth time. I open a thesaurus to find a better word for “looked,” and twenty minutes later, I’ve written two words: “glanced at.”

11:30 AM – Reality Hits

This time I really must leave it and go to my actual, real-life grown-up job. I decide to call it a day. But not without promising myself that tomorrow will be different, that I’ll stick to the routine, and I’ll hit my word count goal. Tomorrow I’ll be the disciplined writer I’ve always dreamed of being.

The Reality of My Writing Routine

The truth is my writing routine is less of a routine and more of a chaotic, caffeine-fuelled rollercoaster ride. Some days, the words come easily, and I feel like a literary genius. Other days, I can’t seem to string a sentence together without getting distracted by snack breaks, naps, and random internet searches.

But at the end of the day, I remind myself that writing isn’t about having the perfect routine. It’s about showing up, even when it’s messy, and finding the balance between procrastination and productivity. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the real secret to a writer’s routine: embracing the chaos.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

Let me know what you think.